Top Ten Ways to Order Pizza

1. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

2. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

3. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.

4. Change your accent every three seconds.

5. Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."

6. Rent a pizza.

7. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

8. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

9. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

10. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying: "This may be my last entry."

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